My Mother and I

I sat in the dermatologist's office this afternoon and watched while he burned pre-cancerous spots from my elderly mother's face with liquid nitrogen. A very strange and unique experience which I was nevertheless very grateful for that it could be done. I appreciated the doctor's relaxed and confident manner; it was obvious that he had done this innumerable times before and knew exactly what he was seeing and doing. My mother was somewhat uncomfortable during the procedure (who wouldn't be?) but got through it ok; and I know that the first thing she will do when she gets home is head for the mirror and try to see what the damage is. Her eyesight is poor now because of many surgeries on one eye to save it after a post-cataract surgery infection developed. Her other eye has macular degeneration developing and of course a cataract too.

I am now my mother's helper, advocate and her best friend. We talk almost everyday and have meals together at least twice weekly. She lives in an assisted living facility with about 30 other residents, has her own apartment, which gets cleaned by others, has her laundry done by others, her meals are prepared for her by others, and she is pretty much housebound unless others take her somewhere. Her world is gradually shrinking, smaller and smaller, as her physical disabilities and conditions increase and hamper her more and more. She has a heart condition and Meniere's syndrome, anxiety and depression, neuropathy too. I am her lifeline, she relies on me for almost everything. I make her doctors' appointments, and take her to them. I sit with her in exam rooms and advocate for her, asking the questions she would if she could hear better. Did I tell you she is hard of hearing too? I do her grocery shopping for her, though once in a while she feels well enough to come with me and I push her around the store in a wheel chair. On Fridays we always have lunch, either we go out or I bring lunch in, and then we watch a movie together or part of a series together. Last winter we watched the entire Christy series and the Anne of Green Gables series. Now we are working through the 1st season of Little House on the Prairie.

She is my mother, she is family, I love her, and this is part of my life now, to help take care of her, just as she took care of me and loved me a long time ago when I was little. We laugh and tell stories, recollect old memories, look at old pictures and new, watch the news together and talk about things happening now. Did I tell you that her mind is good? She takes care of her own finances and medications, unless she can't see something. She loves it during election years, loves to listen to the speeches and form her own opinions on issues. She has no signs of Alzheimers and I am so eternally grateful for that. She can have a quick wit and loves to joke around. She has a caring heart for others, but sometimes she gets so wrapped up in her ailments and depression that she forgets how lucky and blessed she is, compared to what some others her age are going through. So I remind her gently and she says, "You're right, Laurie." And she smiles.

I don't know how many years my mother has left, only God knows that, but I am so thankful for this time that I am able to spend with her, these final days and years. I wasn't able to spend this kind of time with my father before he passed away and so I am truly appreciating what I am able to do here for my Mom. I think that one thing all of us truly want when we are approaching the end of our lives is to not be alone, to have at least one person with us who loves, understands and takes care of us. And this is something that I can do for her.

Thanks for listening,
Laurie